Suggested song: There is a Sucker Born Ev’ry Minute, from the musical Barnum
Suggested drink: Apple martini; vodka, apple schnapps, lemon juice
This just in!
After months of manic anticipation, the new iApple is out and it is AMAZING! True to recent leaks, it weighs in at a mere 155.0 grams (typical for a compact standard Washington 148) but approaches the circumference of a US Extra Fancy; imagine how light but large a dozen of these bad boys will look in your basket (who’s the queen of the marché now?). And the aroma – a novel amalgam of ethyl butyrate and D-limonene – will leave your olfactory senses swooning. Could this possibly spell the end for Granny Smith? What we love most is the disruptive new iApple color scheme, arching from a wildly vibrant 630 nanometer red to a sexy tinge of 510 nanometer yellow depending on maturity at harvest. That’s a 5% spectrum sweep enhancement over last year’s model and we think validates the considerable price premium. Note that an iApple Minus version is available in seedless.
The taste you ask? Yes it’s an apple.